Beers Eye Drunk

Many of you long-time readers of the blog know that St. Peter's is one of my favorite brewers. Of course, I understand you also probably also know a lot about faeries, snuffalupicus, and the lost city of Atlantis, because any supposed "long-time readers" of the blog most likely belong to the realm of fictional creatures. Since this fact turns the blog into a class of literature akin to a letter to Santa Claus, I won't feel bad about boring you with some trivial details before describing this latest beer selection.

As I sit down to write this article, I am being grilled, excuse the pun, for my inappropriate use of the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Machine. You see, I cook about two to three cheeseburgers a day on the machine as I am trying to gain weight for my pending career as a circus strongman. Until then, I have little to no use for this over-sized leopard-print loincloth I got used on ebay, which is okay, because I think I've only completed 9 of the requisite 47 washings before it is again wearable.

However, in the meantime, I'm getting a talking-to about the grill's complicated fat-trapping mechanism, which is an ingenious piece of plastic that fills with lard periodically. Apparently, lard and discarded cheese attracts bugs, which is bad, however, since I'll be making another cheeseburger in about five hours, I decided to let it sit in the dish choosing to clean it out later in the day... This decision was viewed as unwise by the powers that be, and thus the resulting lashing has put me off a great a deal from the spirit of this article.

I'm no longer in the mood to tell you about St. Peter's English Ale, especially since you the reader are not likely to even exist. So, accept this multiple choice quiz instead of a full review. By applying simple principles of logic, you will rightly guess the character of the beer for yourself. If you do not, and I have wasted your time, remember that you are a fictitious creature and time is likely irrelevant to you, due to the agelessness of your conceptual/spiritual nature...

1. Which of the following statements is false?
a. St. Peter's English ale contains organically grown hops, but is not the same as St. Peter's Organic Ale.
b. St. Peter's Organic Ale is English, but is not the same as St. Peter's English Ale.
c. 1 PINT is 0.9 FL.OZ
d. your mom

2. St. Peter's Pours Like Which of the Following?
a. a brick dropped from a helicopter onto a sidewalk
b. your fat, sweaty cousin rolling off the couch onto the floor
c. like leafy rain water out of a tire swing
d. mostly (c), a little bit of (b), but without the smell, and a tad bit of (a) but less fun

3. St. Peter's flavors and aromas did not remind me of...
a. A lightly sweetened spot of English Breakfast tea
b. Old Farmer Caruthers burning autumn leaves again out behind the barn
c. A wet German Shepard
d. the need to clean the fat trap on my George Forman grill

4. St. Peter's English Ale is...
a. Rich, smooth, but already in a relationship
b. Medium weight, derives its liveliness from complex flavor rather than carbonation, and is gay
c. even more flavorful at a slightly warmer temperature and knows how to kill you with a piece of paper
d. the secret ingredient in Central Market's bean and turnip soup.

5. St. Peter's English Ale is recommended to...
a. Everyone except people from Minnesota
b. Any who likes English style ales, beers with strong earthy flavor characteristic, while not overly filling like many porter/stouts.
c. Professorial circus clowns on sabbatical from Clown College
d. This guy: